Mind, body and soul sessions (#7)

Focus on the Good – part II

Every story has two sides. This goes for the stories we are told but also for the stories we tell ourselves. When you are on a diet, you’ll probably weigh yourself every week. At the weigh in you expect weight loss (duh!), but there will be weeks when you haven’t lost/gained a single gram. The famous weight plateau! Now, you can hit yourself over the head, because you haven’t lost any or you can say to yourself “well, at least I didn’t gain any weight!!” Other example: When you look in the mirror, you can focus on the lines on your faces and think “I am getting really old now!” But you can also say “Wow I’ve laugh lines around my eyes and mouth. Every line represents plenty of laughter. Hurrah!” Technically they are all true, but the last one in each case is clearly going to make you feel better.

So the next step to a happier life: Make a determined effort to tell the positive side of the story. Pay close attention to the things you tell yourself. Look for the positive, focus on the good! Ask yourself little questions like: How does this meal taste? What’s the weather like? How does the coffee taste? When you can answer these questions (in a positive way) with ease, it’s time to focus your positive spin to other people. Notice something you love in your partner, friends, kids, family or strangers. And when you are up for a real challenge…..try to find something good in a person you really dislike.

Still, this all relatively easy. The real test comes when you are out in the real world. Notice your first reaction when – you get an annoying negative email from a coworker, - you encounter a rude salesperson or waiter, - someone cut you off in traffic, - someone jumps the queue. Pay attention, and then look for the other side of the story. Make an effort to find something good to say about every situation. This can be tough, but it is achievable. Maybe you can admire the coworker’s dedication, or say to yourself “well, I don’t have to spend a lifetime with this salesperson/waiter”, or be grateful for the opportunity the driver/queue jumper gives you to practice your new way of thinking. Like I said this way of thinking can be tough, but it also can be very helpful.

The downside of this step is that you notice how many times you say negative things to yourself or others. Did you know you had so many negative thoughts? Probably not, but that’s okay. Don’t reprimand yourself! This step is about focusing on the good, noticing the positive. You can’t change what you can’t acknowledge. You can’t break the habit you don’t know you have. Paying attention is the first part of the transformation.

“Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention.” Greg Anderson