Heavy breathing in aisle one (three, five, etc)

I am just back from grocery shopping and it was shopping with a difference today because I heard heavy breathing in the aisles. Now is that different, or what? And no, it wasn’t my imagination, wishful thinking or whatever you might come up with, it was actually happening. Here is the story.

Contentedly I entered the supermarket, checking my list while I was heading for the fruit & veg section. I got the leeks, lettuce, onions and tomatoes of my list and whilst I was checking the Granny Smith apples (I don’t want to buy the ones which are sticky to the touch, now do I?) I heard a very obscene sound. Huh, what was that? I touched the apples again, and surprise suprise there it was again. HUH? Was there someone around pulling a prank? A hidden camera show maybe? I checked, but couldn’t spot anyone or anything (as if you would with a hidden camera). Weird!

I decided to leave the apples and headed over to the bananas. I picked up a bunch and lo and behold there was the heavy breathing again. Grrrrr, how frustrating, if I could only pinpoint the origin of the sound it would make me feel a hell of a lot better, I thought. So, I looked around again and I was pretty amazed by what I saw. There was this guy, in his early thirties, holding a Cantaloupe and it almost looked as if he was turned on by the darn thing. He was stroking, kneading and smelling it at the same time as he was making sounds that would be more appropriate in a bedroom. Mesmerised I watch they guy patting his melon a bit more before he dropped it into his trolley. Okay, show’s over, let’s move on, I thought to myself, but boy was I wrong.

I bumped into him (not literally of course) a couple of times while I was getting the rest of my stuff and watched him re-enact his whole song and dance routine (or would bump and grind routine be a better choice of words ;-)) al over again. One time he even stood right next to me, while he was expressing his obnoxious sounds right into my ear. Could shivers, no not the kind you might associate with pleasure, ran down my spine…..brrr, what a creep!

I had quite enough of it (and I had all my shopping done) so I hurried off to queue up, but just as I rounded the corner I saw that boisterous guy coming over too. OMG, I so not wanted to end up in front of him. So, I lingered around the detergent section for a bit and queued up as soon as I thought it was safe to do so. I was so happy I had done that, all the people in front of me had really flushed and flustered faces. Guess he had been able to give another performance (or two). Anyway, I didn’t see him again until I exited the store and man was I in for a big surprise. There he was………………..

touching himself. NOOOOOOO! Of course not! Don’t be ridiculous (it would have made for an ending with a difference though, wouldn’t it?). But let me assure you, the ending is bit different then you might expect anyway, because it took me quite by surprise too.
So, there he was, just finished putting his shopping away in his backpack and getting ready to mount his Scootmobiel (I don’t know what you call them in English or if you actually have them) Mobility Scooter (thank for your assistance Lord Hutton), groaning, moaning and breathing heavily all the way. OMG, I felt really embarrassed. All the time I had been judging that guy, thinking he was a real perv while he was just a handicapped man who is probably proud he can still get his own groceries in. *blush* Oh well, that will teach! Never, ever judge a book by its cover!

Not every visitor is welcome on the last day of 2006!

Sometimes there are people you just don’t want to see on the last day of the year and sometimes there are people you don’t even want to meet for the first time on the last day of the year. Unfortunately I couldn’t avoid them, so I had to welcome the visitors, meet a lot of new people and I wasn’t even dressed yet!

Here’s what happened.
Last Sunday morning, 31 December, I was working on my little “Happy New Year” project (see photo previous post). I took a little break after a while and made myself a cup of coffee. As I walked back to my computer I heard a strange crackling sound. ‘Fireworks’ I thought to myself (they had been at it since 7 that morning) while I walked back to my computer. When I was sitting down, I noticed a strange glow, or a reflection of a glow I should say, on my computer screen. In wonder I turned around and asked myself ‘what on earth is emitting that strange light?’ Well, it didn’t take me long to figure that one out. The light was coming from my hedge! ‘Huh, there aren’t any lights in my conifer hedge!!’ I was stunned for one second but then soon realised my hedge was on fire……..FIRE!! OH MY GOD……FIRE!! The first thing that came to mind was WATER! So I grabbed a bucket, but while I was filling it, it occurred to me that I wasn’t going to extinguish this fire by myself because the strong winds blew the flames in my direction. Next step, call 112 (the Dutch 911). ‘Which service do you need?’ I heard the operator ask. Fire department (of course I said it in Dutch: Brandweer!). ‘Hold please’ she said. When I got the fire department on the line they said they were en route, because apparently other people (3) had called them also. Just a few minutes later I heard and saw them coming, sirens and lights roaring.
In the meantime some of my neighbours where throwing buckets of water onto the blazing flames. I was so happy to see the flames dying right before my eyes that I almost forgot about the whole fire department. When they arrived they took over the situation, extinguished the last flames in my hedge and the new flames which were starting to emerge from the roof of my shed now. Tssk that was one hungry fire! Well, I guess the wind helped a lot too. Luckily it was all over in a few minutes, but to be honest, it felt like hours. After they checked inside the shed (and made sure most of the stuff that was in there was wet) they gave the all clear!

When the fire was out, I walked out of the garden and was surprised to see a lot of people there. Neighbours of course, but also a lot of people I had never seen before in my life…. And all I could think was ‘oh my god, I am standing here in my work-out clothes, no face on, my hair is a chaos …..I look a mess!’ But no one seemed to notice. Before I knew it I was talking to the police who had apprehended two boys who had started the fire. Apparently they had been experimenting with fireworks. One of them had suggested putting a ground bloom in my hedge because they were curious about the effect the spinning thing would have in a hedge. So long story short, they started experimenting and before they knew it my hedge caught fire. Not the effect they were hoping for. And that wasn’t the end of it. Turned out the car of one of my neighbours was damaged by the fire too. *sigh*.
The next hour, or maybe hours, where spend in the company of the firemen (I know it’s the dream of many women but the experience was a bit of a disappointment, I can assure you. ;) They were very friendly though), police, offenders and parents, neighbours and know-it-alls. Not a relaxed way to end 2006! But hey, in the end no one got hurt, it was only a hedge (and a part of my shed) that got burned and we all got to celebrate the beginning of 2007 without further problems!

All that is left to do now is deal with the insurance companies……also not very relaxed :( Oh, and in case you are wondering…….this is what left of the hedge.
And this is the best side; the back is completely burned away :(

Dear readers

Just a short message to let you all know, I am still alive :) My PC on the other hand is not doing so great. Yesterday I tried to install Windows on my new HD but as it turned out my original CD was scratched and dented and wasn’t willing to cooperate at all! After a lot of grrrrr’s I finally managed to get XP installed, so today I need to get my ADSL working again, update a lot, install my security again and getting all my files back into place. I’ll probably be back tomorrow!

Thanks for all the nice and helpful comments and Steve thanks for dropping by.

This is un*beeeeeeeeeeeping*believable!

Today I received this little letter addressed to the residents at my address. Since most of you can’t understand Dutch I will translate some of it:

Dear Mrs, Mr,

Currently we are delivering Radio and TV channels via our cable to your door, but according to our administration you are not paying for any of it. Because we like you to pay, we now call your attention to the next few point.

You want to keep receiving all our fabulous Radio and TV Channels. Fine, pay us € 9.53 a month and return the enclosed form to us with all your details.

You are already one of our customers. Please return the enclosed form to us with all your details.

You don’t want to use our great cable service. Fine, we will disconnect you on December 22.

And then they go on about how great they are, blablabla!

Of course this isn’t a literal translation, but you get the meaning. Now, here is the thing ….. they disconnected me without a reason or a warning 2 years ago!! I tried everything to get reconnected again, but every attempt failed. In the end I just gave up. Asked them politely to stick their cable in a place where the sun never shines and happily opted for Digital TV from another company. And now they are telling me I had cable the whole time?

Grrrrrr……