Mind, body and soul sessions (#5)

Character strengths.

In one of my previous Sunday posts I have said that “Happiness is a state of mind; it is a different way of looking at the world. When you start to accept things as they are, true happiness will enter your life too”. But it does not stop there. It is not only about accepting the things around you as they are; it is also about accepting who you are. It is a process of discovery and accepting and loving the person you really are as well. It is not about trying to become someone you are not. If you want to live a balanced and happy life, you must know your talents and strengths and use them on a daily basis. Most people spend their days trying to overcome their flaws but that is just a waste of your precious energy. Stop looking at your weaknesses and focus on your strengths. Character strengths make you stronger. They range from guts, empathy, resilience, hope, creativity, and social skills to integrity, self-knowledge, impulse control, and wisdom. This does not mean that you should ignoring problems or limitations, but rather realizing they are just one part of the whole person you are.

Discover your strengths?

When you ask people about their weaknesses they can produce a whole list in an instant but when you ask them about their strengths they need to think for a while. In the end they might come up with a very short list and that is probably it. If you are not sure about your strengths, pay more attention to all the things you do and make a list of all your happy moments for at least a week. Notice the moments when you have a smile on your face because that will probably mean you are doing something you are good at and/or enjoy. As the week ends, take stock, list your abilities and break everything down into its smallest components. Write down every skill you have used at home or at work. For instance, if you are a dentist’s assistant, don’t write “I know how to be a dentist’s assistant”. But write about how you can make nervous people feel at ease or how you can make children smile.

When you have your complete lists (abilities and happy moments), spend some time studying them. Not for hours on end of course, but take a few minutes each day and look at your lists. Are there similarities, things that stand out, things you didn’t know or surprising facts? Now pick out a few of your strengths and happy moments and promise to repeat them as often as possible. Maybe you are passionate about boats; why not create a website for fellow boat enthusiasts. Or maybe you are one of those talkative people who can talk to all sorts of people. Great, call people instead of emailing them or become a helpline volunteer. Maybe you are great with animals, volunteer at an animal shelter or spend some time dogwalking. Sometimes you need to take a step back to remember all that you have going for you.

Rearranging your life around your gifts, strengths and talents provides you with a sense of purpose and happiness. Recognizing your strengths is very important, and you should wear them with pride. This doesn’t mean being conceited, but knowing that the things that make you special also help you to meet challenges. There are always going to be some days when you just feel moody, tired, or depressed. This is when it is most important to call on your strengths. It may all sound a bit cheesy—but it is vital to your happiness :)

“It is actually easier to be who you are, than to become someone your not!”