I always thought that being honest and sincere was the way to go in life, but lately I’m not so sure anymore. Although I've said some things with the best intentions Wikipedia has this to say about honesty, but what do you think. Is it better to be honest or tell a fib/a “little white lie” from time to time?
10 comments:
I've always loved the expression "I'll be as honest as I can be".
I believe in being honest, but I don't think it's good when your honesty may hurt someone.
Example "Does my ass look big?". If my wife told me "Yes" I'd be hurt
Yes, but...
I don't know what sort of honesty has brought you into trouble, and what sort of trouble that may be. But I assume, we are not talking about honesty in situations like making a tax declaration, writing a CV or talking to the police. In those situations, it's only a question about the probability of beeing caught as a liar. If the probability is low, honesty would be sheepisly dumb in my opinion.
But I suppose, that we are talking about telling somebody else the truth about himself, but he doesn't likes to hear that. And I assume, that you've intented with saying the truth, that the other person should change something in himself or in his behaviour. And not, that we are talking about the truth in a purely ethical way.
From my point of view, in such situations it depends on the importance, the circumstances and the way how the truth is going to be delivered.
Let's start with importance. If I have the feeling, that i must say the truth to somebody important to me, because I think it would help me to get along better with this person or I think he would do better if he would know the truth, then I think it's mandatory to say the truth. But if she's not important to me, or the item at hand has no high relevance, then I would keep my mouth shut or if being asked, would answer politely.
But it is important to consider the circumstances. Not every situation is appropriate for a truthfull talk. If we are relaxed, for example, it is easier for us to accept the truth, than if we are stressed out or under fire. Also a bad moment would be one, where isn't enough time to talk about the issue, because most important things need some clarification and room for dialogue. Otherwise the other person might feel like beeing slapped in the face, because in the short time you are not able to explain your reason behind the raised issue enough and she doesn't get's it without further explanation. And in most really important cases, it takes time for the other person to accept the truth.
And last but not least, it's the question about the right form. Not everybody is able to take the truth straight into the face. Someone might like to take the truth in small portions, the another might prefer it nicely wrapped...
As in every other commumnication, if I want to achieve a change, it is absolutely necessary to adopt the message to the mindset of the reciever. Otherwise, the best intention will fail, and you get resistance instead.
First: thank you all for your great feedback. It’s very much appreciated.
Second: I used to be brutally honest, but I gave that strategy up because some people just can’t handle that (even when they asked for it themselves). So you might say I’ve adjusted my approach already :) This feedback sure gave me something to consider… so thanks again.
I believe it is difficult too Stu and I’m starting to think that telling the odd white lie isn’t that bad.
Yes Phil, your ass looks big! :Þ Just kidding, I have probably seen more pictures of your insides then of your bum so I can’t answer that question :) But back to honesty…..I like the expression “I’ll be as honest as I can be” very much and it’s certainly a saying to remember.
No, I’m not talking about a criminal offence hereWanderingthinker :) Thanks for your lengthy comment. You really have put some thought in that one :) So I must remember importance, circumstance and form. Armed with these great helpful hints, I hopefully stay out of trouble in the future.
I was once asked by a friend whether I liked her fiancé. Of course, the very fact that I hestitated bfore responding told her quite a lot. The best I could say was that I didn't dislike him, but I couldn't honestly have said I liked him, and on a question like this I didn't see lying as an option.
As it happens, they didn't get married, and for reasons that of course had nothing to do with my opinion. But she was annoyed that I didn't think he was as wonderful as she did, and kept asking me why, which made me wish I had found something non-committal to say.
So, I am generally in favour of honesty but I confess I will lie like a trouper when I consider it necessary e.g. to get out of something I don't want to do but without causing unnecessary unpleasantness. I would also much prefer other people to say no when they don't want to do something, and not yes and then back out later!
My favorite TV show is Grey's Anatomy, which has wonderful story lines. THe other day they finished the show with a wonderful quote about honesty and truth..."the truth about the truth, it hurts and so we lie"! I too used to be honest but of late I have not been. Great post.
Hmm. I try to be honest about everything that matters. Sometimes it's hard, and sometimes it takes me awhile to get psychologically prepped to tell the truth and accept its consequences. Because of this, I occasionally avoid the subject for awhile.
On minor matters of little consequence, like does Phil's ass look big (sorry Phil, I know it's not that minor to you), I see no harm in softening the truth a bit.
I want people to be honest with me on all matters, so I try not to ask any questions if I'm not ready for an honest answer.
Oh, by the way - I know this isn't the right place to ask this, but I can't think of a right place - is anybody else having problems accessing Fugu-Sashi (Paula's blog) these days? It loads with nothing in it. I miss it.
I’ve been in a similar situation Qaminante, only it escalated and my friend isn’t talking to me any more :( At least for now, but this will sort itself out over time.
I also agree with you on your last point. I really hate it when people say they want to do something and then back out later. Let them just say NO!!
Hi Luz and welcome to my blog :) I like Grey’s Anatomy too, especially the little pieces of wisdom at the end and the quote you shared is certainly one of them.
I want people to be honest with me too Zoom! and when I don’t want a honest answer I don’t ask the question :) It is very easy to think that others are like that too, but by now I know that’s not the case. I have to think before I speak and then decide to give my honest opinion or tell a white lie.
I don’t know what happened to Paula’s blog, it is not loading. Maybe she is on a break or something.
I have boiled it down to the three things "they" say (at least in movies) when they are swearing to tell the truth in court:
the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Of those three, I go with the first and third and leave out "the whole truth". Sometimes, the sin of omission is okay.
Thanks for your input JuliaR! Very wise words :)
Post a Comment