Create your own happiness. Show remorse, choose to apologize.
Feelings of guilt and remorse can cause a lot of negative stress. Positive stress is a real motivator, while negative stress on the other hand will rob you from your energy and can make you feel really down. So don’t let the negative stress build-up and don't allow pain, or past mistakes, to paralyze you.
Have you ever made a mistake? Of course you have, we all have! No human-being is perfect! If you were the only one affected by the mistake, you might just consider yourself foolish, choose to forgive yourself and move on. If you were inconsiderate, insensitive, or even downright mean, i.e. if you have hurt or inconvenienced another person, you might want to make amends and apologize.
If you think an apology is in order make sure it’s a good and effective one. How? Maybe these guidelines will help.
Never, ever, apologize casually - Pick the right time and the right place!
Take responsibility- Accept the blame. Let the other person know that you are aware of the fact that you’ve caused pain.
Be sincere - People can spot an insincere apology a mile off. Let your tone of voice be warm and gentle. Don’t be defensive because it won’t help your case.
Make it personal - Admit that you've done wrong and that you've hurt the person you're apologizing to. Describe in detail what you’ve said or done to hurt the person. This will show you're not just saying "I'm sorry" because you've violated your own ethics, but that you’ve assessed were you went wrong.
Be straightforward - The best apologies contain no “buts”. Keep your apology clean and straightforward.
Don’t feel weak and vulnerable - A common assumption is that the person who apologizes is weak and vulnerable but in my opinion they are courageous and deserve respect.
6 comments:
My ex-partner's apologies were always "I'm sorry if you feel like that, but......" grrrr
For personal reasons this post hit a bit of a nerve. But I'm curious about your opinion. Should you ever ask someone else to apologize? I was asked to do this once and I refused, as I didn't think I'd done anything wrong. In fact I thought the other person was much more at fault! Needless to say, this situation did not get resolved well.
takes alota courage to notice, admit, accept & move on. this is a nice one {{Dakota}}
That is not an apology, that is just something you say to irritate or hurt someone even more, Lord Hutton. Very frustrating!
I personally wouldn’t ask anyone for an apology, KJ’s Muse because then you will get answers like the one in Lord Hutton’s comment or even worse, people would just say “sorry” to get it over with or to please you and there is nothing sincere about that. I do think however that people have a right to tell you that you’ve hurt their feelings, but they shouldn’t expect an apology. I think they should leave that up to the other person.
In your case I truly believe you did the right thing. I wouldn’t apologize either if I felt I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Thanks, Boo. I am convinced you are one of those courageous people.
I agree, Dakota, that people should always feel free to say if something hurt their feelings. Demanding an apology however is probably not a good idea. Thanks for the affirmation. :)
My pleasure, KJ’s Muse :)
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