Could a depression be a blessing in a very dark disguise?

Last weekend this bizarre question popped into my head and it is probably the weirdest question I’ve ever asked myself. In my case, the answer is yes. My depression really was a blessing in a very dark disguise. I’ve been depressed for a very long time and although things improved over a long period of time, I could never sincerely say: Woo hoo, I’ve conquered my depression. But now, I guess that the time has finally come and so I shout it out: WOO HOO, I’ve conquered my depression!!

This weekend I realized that I never been this happy, relaxed, cheerful, grateful, and optimistic, pleased with myself and my life. A sad realization actually, because that means that for a large part of my life I was just content, miserable, a bit happy or depressed. But hey, that’s the past and I can’t change that, I can only change my future. And if I look at my future now, I realize that thing can only get better.

But let’s go back to my bizarre question. I truly believe that my depression is some sort of blessing, weird isn’t it?. Let me explain. I didn’t always have a great life, bad shit happened to me as a kid and I never dealt with the problems caused by these things. Somewhere in my head was a neat little box in which I stored all the bad nasty things. Very practical! I could deposit everything and nothing ever escaped the box. At least that’s what I thought at the time. Years later however, I noticed that things where escaping the box and they started messing with my happiness at the time. At first only the small things fled the box and I could deal with them at the time, but not much later the really big things cascaded out. I couldn’t handle that and got depressed very quick. For (way to many) months it felt like I was living in a very dark hole and I figured out I had two options:

1) Stay in the darkness for ever.
2) Find some light; surely there must be a way out of this place.

I chose the latter. With the help of friends, tons of selfhelp books/ lifestrategy books and pure perseverance I made it back to the light, the sun, a much happier place. And on my way up I learned about my problems, life, fun, being optimistic, sharing, self-esteem, confidence, caring, the world, being happy and love. I’ve learned so much and I probably will never stop learning. I’m sure, I only took this (life)lessons because I was in that o so very dark place a.k.a. my depression. Funnily enough, I am now grateful for that. I never thought I would say that :) …. ever!

And if you are there now… don’t give up! You will find your way back to the light too. You can make it back the top… remember, the only way is up!