Last Saturday was probably one of the last nice Saturday’s we are going to have this year. The sun was shining, a nice breeze was blowing and the temperature was still very high for this time of year. So to celebrate, I treated myself to a nice cup of espresso outside one of the local cafes. While I was sitting there, enjoying my Lavazza (or maybe Illy –sorry I wasn’t paying attention) coffee and pecan cinnamon roll, I overheard a conversation two ladies had at the table behind me.
Apparently one of the ladies was thinking about marriage and she asked the other one for her opinion about it and this was her answer:
"The thing with marriage is, that you are going to take things for granted after a while, little thing like being together, doing things together, enjoying each others company. I think couples should sort of decide to remarry every day. They should look each other in the eye at the beginning of each day and decide there and then if they would say Yes again. Yes, because they want to be with that person for the remainder of the day. Yes, because the other person can give them what they need. And Yes because, although they have changed, they are still right for each other!
Other times I think it would be a great idea if you could just lease a husband or some love, so that it wasn’t a lifelong commitment. Picture it….you could take out a 12 month lease, with the right of renewal when you are still happy together after the initial first 12 months.
And sometimes I think it would be best if there was some sort of test you had to take every two years. Or wouldn’t it be great if there was some sort of evaluation every year. During a supervised session you could talk about all your likes and dislikes and in the end you could decide to stay on or look elsewhere.*silence* Hmm….but, I guess that was not the answer you were looking for."
I am quite sure that wasn’t the answer the other lady was looking for, but I have to say I can agree with some of the things the lady said. I think that in long term relationship a lot of people take things for granted. And to make it even worse, there are people out there who can’t even remember why they fell in love with the other person in the first place. That's so sad!
I also like the idea of a 12 month lease. Why are people these days still committing to a lifelong thing? Okay, let’s be honest, they say they go for the lifelong thing, but people divorce with so much ease these days that at one point I thought it was the latest trend. IMHO, marriage was never intended to last 60 or 70 years. When people first started to get married they were considered lucky if they made it till their tenth wedding anniversary. People didn’t get to celebrate their 80th birthday way back then. So why not introduce another form of marriage? Or, more extreme, why not get rid of the whole marriage concept? There are a lot of other options to choose from these days. Maybe it will solve a lot of problems….. or maybe a lot of new problems will arise. Not sure about that. I am sure however, that marriage is not my thing. I never liked the concept and I never had the dream to get marriage or be a princess for a day. So, I never made it to the altar…........hooray!:)
8 comments:
Me neither. It does seem to me that the main force keeping some relationships in existence is nothing more than inertia but then I suppose that could be said of a lot of other things, e.g. sticking with a job/career that isn't satisfying. We are truly strange creatures. Don't you just love overhearing other people's philosophical discussions?!
What can I say we bought the Poppit a pack of Lovehearts sweets in the UK, and we gradually had been sharing them out. One of them said "Marry Me", I gave it to my wife of course!
It's funny that was a woman's conversation, for a successful marriage, women need to marry a man who they are going to share everything with, its hard to explain, but some woman tend to think they are marrying just one of those things from the other species that need moulding into some kind of woman friendly form. Which of course never happens, you need to find a guy like that in the first place.
Hi there Qaminante, long time no see :).
I completely agree with you. A lot of people are just afraid of the alternative or scared of change. Inertia is the easy way out it seems.
And yeah, I love overhearing other people’s discussions, especially conversations like this. It was a shame that I had to leave after a while. I’d have loved to hear the rest of it :)
Oh, you are already experimenting with the “lease option”, Lord Hutton ;) Good for you! It’s a shame M does not want to get married, but maybe once was enough for her. Anyway, I hope you and M keep saying “yes” to each other for another 7 years. You make such a cute couple :)
I would never try to mould a man into a woman friendly object, Andre, but I know what you mean. Some women just can’t accept a man the way he is. They have to go on a quest to find all their “imperfections” and straighten them out. Everything is okay the first couple of months and then the changing process kicks in. I’ve seen it happening all around me :(. Saying: “I love you just the way you are” seems to be an impossible task.
That's a very interesting blog Dakota, and fairly pertinent for me at the moment.
I acepted my man the way he was and for a very long time (12 years) that has not been a problem. It's just been the last year that it has started to grate. I don't want him to change, that would be wrong, I knew what I was taking on after all, but it would be nice if he at least cares for me. I think it's more that I have changed and am not sure I can live with the person he is anymore.
Sorry, that should be "....showed he cares for me."
I think I know what you mean, Aoj. Let’s just say “I’ve been there, done that”. It’s tough when you, your outlook on life, and the people in it change. Maybe you should have a talk with him (staying silent isn’t going to change a thing). Express how you feel, let him know what you’re missing. I don’t know the guy, but who knows……it might help :)
Very good and very interesting!
I'm with you on this, people do seem to get it wrong with relationships all too often and end up unhappy and staying in it for financial or security reasons or are just too affraid to get out of it. It's a shame! :[
I would rather be happy single than in a relationship that isn’t working, DoGGa.
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