What would happen if you approached someone and insulted them by saying things like: "You’re stupid! You're ugly! I hate you! No one really likes you! You're a really sad person!" Well, apart from getting slapped, you're also quite likely to hurt their feelings.Now envision what would happen if you said things like this: “You’re a great friend! You’re beautiful! You’re a great person! You’ve a great personality!” The chances of getting slapped are probably nonexistent in this case; maybe you’ll get hugged instead, so much better ;) No, you probably won't get hugged (such a shame) but it will empower the other person.
Let’s change the scenario. Imagine yourself on the receiving end in both cases. Which one do you prefer? Probably the latter (or not, if you are into the whole SM-like beat yourself up sort of thing). Believe it or not, words are extremely powerful! There is that old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" and that my friends is one big lie. Negative words can certainly hurt you, cut deeper than a knife and create wounds that can last you a lifetime. Positive words however have the amazing power to heal those wound and create a better you.
Change the scenario again (again? yes again!). Get your butt into gear and walk to the nearest mirror. Look at yourself and start repeating a negative statement to yourself over and over again. Something like “You’re ugly!, You’re ugly!, You’re ugly!, You’re ugly!” How does this feel? Almost certainly not nice (big understatement) and a bit absurd, because who in his right mind would to something like this. Well, here is some news for you; a lot of us have a tape of harsh criticism running endlessly in our heads. In addition your mind exposes you to tens of thousands thoughts per day and if you’re not really happy a great part of your thoughts are most likely negative. Negative thoughts trigger the release of stress chemicals that make you feel even worse. Years of negative thoughts can lead you to negative beliefs about yourself and your life and these negative beliefs can lead to negative habits and a miserable life. Now who would want that? So stop those negative statements and negative affirmations… You can't be happy if you talk to yourself in negative ways…..time for a change!
Let change the scene. Go back to the mirror, look yourself in the eye and express loud and proud “You’re so beautiful! You’re so beautiful!, You’re so beautiful! You’re beautiful! (Oh, I feel a song coming on “You are beautiful, not matter what they say” – Christina Aguilera :). Oops, sorry for that….back to the serious business) How does this feel? Maybe still a bit weird and silly but it will also make you feel much better. Conscious repetition of positive affirmations will in time lead to positive and empowering thoughts, which will lead to positive beliefs about yourself and your life. In turn those positive beliefs will lead to positive habits and they will lead to a life of happiness and success.
And that people, is the power of positive affirmations! Hooray!! Okay, but what if you are a negative thinker? The answer is simple….. CHANGE! Pledge to pay close attention to your thoughts and take conscious control of your thought process and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. If it does not work for you right away try this. Think of it in computer terms. When you think of something negative, bring up a new screen and start typing a new positive message.
Examples of wrong/right messages:
I’m no longer depressed
I’m happy!
I hate my body with all its sagging/flabby bits
I accept body as it is!
No one loves me
I am deserving of love and I am loved!
So start paying attention to your thoughts and start using positive affirmations for personal growth and self improvement. It’s all a matter of repeating positive statements to yourself over and over again and keep repeating them until it is subconscious process.
I am going to leave you with a few guidelines to make the whole process as effective as possible:
- Don’t look to the future, it’s today that counts. Don’t say “I’ll be happy one day” Say “I am happy right now, today!”
- Make sure your affirmations are positive! Say “I feel great” instead of “I am no longer down”
- Make sure the affirmations make you feel good. The better you feel, the faster you will notice a positive change.
9 comments:
This is all very well, but what if someone is horrible - aren't you obliging people to lie when you advise them to tell everyone that they are wonderful? Some people, unfortunately, are really quite vile, and I can't see how it helps to say that they're not. But then, I'm a grumpy old man...
Hi, there “grumpy old man” a.k.a. Rob. Here is the opinion of a “grumpy old woman”.
This post isn’t about being nice to others it’s all about being nice to yourself. I only gave the first two examples to let people see what they can do to others but more importantly what they can do to themselves day in and day out.
Sorry - speed reading again. OK - it goes against the grain, but I'll be affirmative! :-)
Good work Rob. You're wonderful, you know that? LOL.
I said some nice stuff to myself today Dakota. Not too much though, cause I wouldn't want to get a swelled head or anything.
No problem Rob, I tend to speed read a lot too :) Thanks for being affirmative, especially when it goes against the grain!
LOL Zoom! and well done! Keep up the good work :)
Superb post!
Your saying reprogram yourself really. I've started the old trick of smiling and laughing in the mirror in the morning or making myself whistle etc to try and get in that mind set.
You saying 'you are who you are' is a big one for me. If I could accept myself more, I would be a much happier person and I'm trying to, along with the old not caring what other people think of me.
Happiness can and will be learned! :]
Of course, just to inject my customary nnote of cynicism, there is still aproblem isn't there? What if you're a really horrible person? Telling yourself you are great, lovely, marvellous etc isn't going to make you any of those things is it?
So someone who, let's say, murders old ladies for their pension money can't become better by saying "OK I murder old ladies, but actually, I'm really great." Or are you saying that constantly telling yourself you are wonderful makes you wonderful? I see a sort of related problem in students who emerge from a school system where they are constantly praised for the slightest thing. They have difficulty believing that the low mark I've given them is an acccurate reflection of the perfect beings they consider themselves to be. Reality check anyone?
A lot of people spend a good deal of time pulling themselves apart but I think it is very important to give yourself credit for the things you do or have done well. People need to build on their strengths rather than wallow in their weaknesses. I think the reason people cannot always deal effectively and objectively with their weaknesses is because they don't know what their true strengths are and therefore lack confidence. I agree that too much praise from others can be counter productive because the person receiving the unearned praise ends up disbelieving it and eventually they will devalue themselves and the system.
At the end of the day the only thing which really counts for much is what you think of yourself and if you are undervaluing yourself by not looking at your strengths as well as your weaknesses then I think it is important to give yourself the occasional boost. It is a matter of balance and if we are being too hard on ourselves we need to set the balance right. Everyone has strengths and no-one is all bad. (Other people's opinions are only a guide.) Just my opinion, of course.
Thank you, DoGGa. You could say it’s a lot like reprogramming, but I don’t like to use that word. In my opinion it’s all about changing the way you look at the world and more importantly at yourself. I don’t know why you can’t accept yourself just as you are, because I really believe you are an amazing guy. But hey, I only see the things you want to share! Who knows, you might have “hidden qualities” you don’t like :) Still, you will get there in the end…….Sound to me like you are doing great already! Keep up the good work :) x
Are you always like this, Rob? My, oh my…..
Who knows, even horrible people might think they are great, lovely, marvelous etc. I know this one person who actually is a horrible person. Okay, this person isn’t an axe murderer or something, but still it isn’t a nice person. If you would ask this person “are you a nice, marvelous, beautiful, loving human being?” Their reply would most definitely be YES! So, I don’t think they need my little blog posts to boost their ego. I'm not saying people will become wonderful because they tell themselves they are but it will change their mindset and make them look differently at the world and themselves. And who knows…..maybe they will become a wonderful person in the end too.
And a marvelous opinion it is, Kat. People need to give themselves an occasional boost and people with low self-esteem need a daily positive boost.
Not quite sure what else I could add to that because I totally agree with you :) Thanks for sharing!!
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