Mind, Body & Soul Session (#43)

Today is a glorious day! Funny, you would almost think it was summer ;-) So, no long post this Sunday, I have better things to do….like visiting a little local festival :-) Anyway, here is my short MBSS-tip for today.

When in doubt, ASK!
It can happen to the best of us. Someone says something to you; you digest it, get on with the conversation, but later on the spoken words pop back into your head and get stuck there. No matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to get rid of them. Why? Because you are not exactly sure that you fully understood the thing that was said, or because you feel there might have been an alternative meaning or an alternative motive to the words spoken, or maybe something was said jokingly but now you are wondering if the person was being serious. Whatever the case might be, stop thinking about it right now! Filling your head up with alternative scenarios or fictitious insinuations isn’t going to help you, it will only make thing worse. Ignoring the problem, or forgetting it was ever said, isn’t going to fix things either. Staying silent solves nothing.

Instead, visit, call, text or e-mail the other person and ask them what they really meant, if you understood them correctly, or if there was a hidden agenda, an alternative motive. Whatever you ask, start talking and talk, talk, talk until you are both clear about the subject at hand. Whenever you have doubts about something, ASK!

Forget about keeping your mouth shut, when in doubt, communicate!

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#42)

Dream big and go for it!

Last Friday, a Dutch celebrity passed away just a few weeks after he was diagnosed with cancer. The cancer had spread throughout his body, so he knew there wasn’t going to be a cure, but still, his sudden passing came as a surprise to a lot people.
But I am not going to write about his passing here (or did I just do that already?) or about the cancer, no, today I am going to write about something that is related (well sort of) to all of this.

I wasn’t a big fan of the guy, although I’ve to admit I liked him and I admired him for all the things he has achieved in his life. He was a writer of 40 books, an entertainer, a TV presenter, a musical star, a singer, a producer, an actor, a columnist, a buddy and a priest.
In one of his last interviews he said something like (I can’t find the newspaper article anymore so I am not going to quote his exact words):

I am not afraid to die, it’s just a bit too soon, but I am confident it’s going to be alright. I had a great life, accomplished my goals and did things I never thought I could. Life has been tremendously satisfying and I am very content.

And that is precisely where I am going with this.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all say/or think that before we die? I think it would be amazing! I have known a lot of people who never got the chance to realize their dreams. One example: my dad! He always wanted to take early retirement as soon as he could, and travel the world with my mom. He never did, because just one year before he finally could, he passed away.
I did learn something from it though, a very valuable lesson: never ever postpone things you really, really want to do and stop doing things you absolutely hate. So, I travelled, went to see places I always dreamed about and later on I gave up my job (which I absolutely resented, because it was sucking the life out of me). Sure, things have been tough at times, with little or no money to spend, periods of depression and rejection, but I am still here, alive and kicking, and I have never regretted the decisions I made. In fact all of this has made me stronger and happier, and I can look back on a pleasant life, I can even say I am content. Sure, I do have other dreams and I am still working on those, but by fulfilling some of them already I think I’ve changed my life around, it has made me feel richer and more content.

So, if you have dreams, big plans, want to see places, meet people, don’t wait until it’s to late! Get up, get out, and go for it! Dig up your dreams, dust them off, give them some fresh air and sunshine (or water in the form of rain, if you are lucky enough to live in Europe this summer) and remember how great they were when you first got them.
And I know, taking risks can be very uncomfortable and scary, because it can lead to failure, but it won’t kill you. Just accept the likelihood of failure, because without failure there can be no success. The choice is yours! When you get to the end of the line, do you want to end up in ‘mediocre village’ or the ‘excellent city’? Life is not meant to be endured, it is meant to be lived and experienced. Just remember you have a great opportunity and that is the opportunity to live.

So, go on, live your life to the fullest, it’s not that complicated and focus on your dreams. Don’t let life’s trials despair you and don’t let friends or family get in your way, because nobody has the right to trample your dreams. If they want to spend their life watching from the sidelines, fine, their choice. If they want to be jealous just because you have the guts to go out there and follow your dream, fine, let them be jealous. But never ever give up on your dreams and don’t allow anyone to tell you that the sky is the limit, when there have been guys on the moon!

Have a great Sunday!

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#41)

Boost your Mood

Are you unhappy, depressed, down or just in a bad mood? Don’t worry this too shall pass, it’s not like you are doomed to feel like this the rest of your life. Believe it or not, but the way you perceive things is a learned skill. Everyone can learn how to look at the world through more optimistic eyes. Over the next few weeks I will give you some tips which will hopefully improve your mood and make you feel more optimistic and upbeat.

Don’t worry, be happy!

The quickest way to fill your life with more energy and continuous happiness is to stop worrying because worrying is the biggest happiness and energy killer. So, don’t worry, be happy is the advice I want to give you today. Not an easy task, I know, but here are a few tips that might help you:

1. Write down all the things you are worried about. Imagine what the worst-case scenario could be by asking yourself this simple question “What is the worst thing that can possibly happen?” and write this down too.
   
2. Now think about how you would act if the worst-case scenarios would become a reality. Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst, if necessary.
   
3. Take action and try to improve the worst-case scenario. Ask yourself “What can I change? What can I do to keep this from becoming reality?” Look at the things you can alter right now to have a feeling of control. Feeling in control reduces your worrying and focussing on a solution raises your energy level
   
4. You will probably encounter a few worrying thoughts that you feel you can’t take any action on. Look at them, one by one. Is it realistic to worry about them, or are the thoughts unrealistic, distorted and exaggerated? Ask yourself “What are the odds this is ever going to happen at all?”
   Write down each of those unrealistic worrisome thoughts and try to come up with an alternative thought that is more realistic. Every time you catch yourself worrying, remind yourself of the alternative thought.
   
5. Learn to accept what you cannot change or have no power to control in life. If you know a circumstance is beyond your power to change or modify, say to yourself: “This is how it is; it cannot be otherwise.” Move on!
   
6. Stop yourself worrying about the same things over and over again. Come up with a solution or let it go! You can’t saw sawdust.
   
7. Keep busy! Plenty of action is one of the best remedies; you won’t have time to think.
   
8. Don’t fuss about the little things in life.
   
9. Live by the day. Stop worrying about the past and don’t fret about the future. Live each day until bedtime and start a brand new day when you wake up!

Now, Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

and have a marvellous Sunday!

Next week in MBSS: Tip seven

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#40)

Boost your Mood

Are you unhappy, depressed, down or just in a bad mood? Don’t worry this too shall pass, it’s not like you are doomed to feel like this the rest of your life. Believe it or not, but the way you perceive things is a learned skill. Everyone can learn how to look at the world through more optimistic eyes. Over the next few weeks I will give you some tips which will hopefully improve your mood and make you feel more optimistic and upbeat.

Positive words change your focus from the negative to the positive.

I have said it before and I am going to say it again, to feel happier you have to act like a happy and optimistic person. If you don’t know where to start, the answer is simple…..observe, aka watch and learn because happy people act and talk in a certain way.

Depressed and negative people use a lot of negative statements and sentences which they keep repeating to themselves over and over again. As a result they end up in unwanted situations. They feel drained, even more depressed, negative or they just feel plain incompetent and hopeless. It is almost as if the reality they express is the reality they are going to get. Luckily this (like most) works both ways; it can either build or destroy you. Negative words create a negative world and positive words on the other hand create a positive reality. All in all, it is the way we use words, sentences and statements that determines whether they are going to build or destroy.

So, back to the happy and optimistic people and let’s find out what we can learn from them. For example, happy and optimistic people use certain words. Like I have said before, words people use can affect their mood. Negative words can drain you and get you even more depressed or negative. Positive and uplifting words on the other hand can improve your mood and give you more energy. They can actually change your whole attitude and the way you feel. I guess it is time to start using some cheerful and optimistic words instead of saddening and pessimistic words. Actually, I think it is time to start expressing what you do want, instead of expressing all the things you don’t want.

To get you started, here are some words and sentences (often used by negative people) to avoid:
- ‘I can’t’, ‘it is impossible’, ‘who am I kidding, I can’t do it’, ‘it can’t be done’, ‘I am not capable’, ‘I tried and failed in the past, so….’, ‘I am never going to…..’, ‘I will try’, ‘but’, ‘I feel swamped’, ‘I give up’ etc, etc.

In its place, use some of these sentences (often used by happy people):
- ‘I can’, ‘it is achievable’, ‘others can and so can I’, ‘I am able’, ‘I am not giving up’, ‘I can do it’, ‘I am up for the challenge’, ‘I will keep going’ etc, etc.

As you can see, there is a lot of difference between those two but if you think that is too much to start with then try this one on for size. Stop using the words ‘try’ and ‘but’. Two short and simple words but also very powerful. These two are able to make people feel hopeless and powerless. They are actually excuses and we don’t need them. Start feeling hopeful, take responsibility , watch what you say and never utter words like ‘try’ of ‘but’

Have a great Sunday!

Next week in MBSS: Tip six - Don't worry, be Happy!

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#39)

Boost your Mood

Are you unhappy, depressed, down or just in a bad mood? Don’t worry this too shall pass, it’s not like you are doomed to feel like this the rest of your life. Believe it or not, but the way you perceive things is a learned skill. Everyone can learn how to look at the world through more optimistic eyes. Over the next few weeks I will give you some tips which will hopefully improve your mood and make you feel more optimistic and upbeat.

Exercise - get sweaty.
You've probably heard it before, but here it is again: aerobic exercise like walking, biking or jogging will cheer you up no matter how bad your mood is or how miserable you may feel.

Just thirty minutes (or an hour, if you feel like it) of exercise, at least three times a week, releases feel-good chemicals such as beta-endorphins and dopamine. Workouts like these also influence the activity of serotonin (a molecule of happiness) and norepinephrine, which can mimic the effect of antidepressants like Prozac.

Have a sweaty and lovely Sunday!

Next week in MBSS: Tip five!

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#38)

Boost your Mood

Are you unhappy, depressed, down or just in a bad mood? Don’t worry this too shall pass, it’s not like you are doomed to feel like this the rest of your life. Believe it or not, but the way you perceive things is a learned skill. Everyone can learn how to look at the world through more optimistic eyes. Over the next few weeks I will give you some tips which will hopefully improve your mood and make you feel more optimistic and upbeat.

Get rid of emotional vampires.

What is an “emotional vampire”?

There are many definitions but for the most part, an “emotional vampire” is anyone who seems to be determined to “feed on you” emotionally in an attempt to build up their own self-esteem and emotional strength. They are a drag on your life and they will keep you from being successful in whatever you do. They are negative people who are willing to destroy your life because they want you to be as miserable as them. They tend to put you down, criticize or mock you and sabotage your hopes, dreams and aspirations. They tend to complain and not just once, they usually have one issue that they repeat 10 times. They just can’t stand to see anyone happier in their lives than them. They tend to hunt for empathetic, caring, compassionate and unselfish people.

So, do you attract “emotional vampires” or losers into your life? Are you a vampire magnet? If the answer is yes, read on!

“Emotional vampires” and losers slow us down and make us feel less happy, they literally drain our batteries. If we want to be happier, more optimistic and energetic we have to avoid “emotional vampires”. Depressed and negative people allow “emotional vampires” to suck their positive feelings right out of them.

Take stock by making a list of people, habits and situations you expose yourself to. Try to place everything and everyone in two categories in other words, try to find out how they make you feel a) happy/optimistic/energetic or b) unhappy/negative/drained.
Then, dispose of or limit people, habits or situations that keep you from feeling optimistic and happy. That may well mean you have to burn some bridges, but sometimes you do have to take some drastic measures to achieve your goal and boost your mood. Remember: Happy and optimistic people hang around with personal cheerleaders, and we all want those. Unhappy people tend to surround themselves with “emotional vampires”.

So, try to avoid “emotional vampires”, burn bridges if necessary, but if you can’t, below you will find some tips on how to deal with “emotional vampires”:

• Remind yourself constantly that their behaviour is their problem and not yours.
• When a complainer starts complaining over and over again, listen once, and say, ‘I hear you. Now what are you going to do about it?’ Help them come up with a solution if you like, but dump them where they stand when they only can come up with even more problems.
• Don't get sucked into their everlasting series of melodramas.
• Limit your interactions with them as much as possible. Don’t go looking for them if you don’t really have to.
• Always keep your cool.
• Use a tone of voice that is not cold or cruel, but that does send the message that you be determined to keep your emotional distance.
• Once they see that they cannot simply engage you or bug you, the “emotional vampires” will likely figure out that you are on to them and chances are that they will stop targeting you for emotional harassment.
  
  
  Next week in MBSS: Tip four.
  

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#37)

Boost Your Mood.

Are you unhappy, depressed, down or just in a bad mood? Don’t worry this too will pass, it’s not like you are doomed to feel this way the rest of your life. Believe it or not, but the way you perceive things is a learned skill. Everyone can learn how to look at the world through more optimistic eyes. Over the next few weeks I will give you some tips which will hopefully improve your mood and make you feel more optimistic and upbeat.

Tip two: Detox.

As most of you probably know, a lot of people detox their bodies. But did you know you can detox your mind too? Believe it or not, you can get rid of toxics that like to live in your mind. When you want to get rid of bad, negative and interfering thoughts, in other words toxics, you have to remember this golden rule: You can only keep one thought in your mind at a time and it’s you who decides what type of thought you focus on. You have two choices.

Option one: You can focus on the unhappy/pessimistic thoughts
or
you can go with option two: focus on happy/optimistic thoughts.

See, you do have options and the choice is completely yours!
Happy and optimistic people focus on solutions and always expect the best. Unhappy and pessimistic people focus on complaining and worst-case scenarios. So, when disaster strikes, problems or setbacks pop-up, it’s up to you to put a stop to every negative thought that pops in your mind. Don’t waste time by complaining or working on doom scenarios, it will only get you down. Instead, stay calm, don’t panic and focus on finding a solution because there is a solution for almost everything.

Cleanse your mind, steer your thoughts in the right direction and boost your mood!

Next week in MBSS: Tip three.

Back by popular demand ;- ) Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#36)

Boost Your Mood.

Are you unhappy, depressed, down or just in a bad mood? Don’t worry this too will pass, it’s not like you are doomed to feel this way the rest of your life. Believe it or not, but the way you perceive things is a learned skill. Everyone can learn how to look at the world through more optimistic eyes. Over the next few weeks I will give you some tips which will hopefully improve your mood and make you feel more optimistic and upbeat.

Tip one: Stand tall.

Did you ever notice how happy and energetic individuals seem to radiate an endless supply of energy? They stand taller, walk faster and take bigger steps than unhappy and pessimistic people who have the tendency slouch, shuffle their feet and walk slowly. It’s like their batteries have gone flat and there is now way to recharge them, but there is! Pay attention to the way you carry yourself. Do you slouch? Do you take tiny steps? Well, now is the time to change that and to change you body posture. Look at the happy and optimistic people around you, how do they carry themselves? Lift your head, walk straight, walk tall and look the world right in the eyes. Of course you can look down if you are looking for cash or something (or feel insecure), but you would be missing a lot of the beautiful things that are all around us.
Take bigger and more powerful steps and try to walk a little bit faster than your usual pace, this will make you feel more energetic and with that energy your levels of happiness will increase.

Alternatively you can try a sport like Nordic Walking, if you don’t mind walking around with a set of funny looking ski poles. Nordic Walking will give you better posture, more energy and you are forced to walk faster.

Next week in MBSS: Tip two.

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#35)

Get active, take part.

Too often we become a spectator in our own life. We start to worry about all the things that are gone already instead of focussing on all the new experiences that can be gained. For some reason we start to save things in life and no matter what the reason is, it’s always the wrong reason. We save our faults because we don’t want to be imperfect, our emotions because we don’t want to be hurt (again), our looks because we don’t want to look old or disorderly and dirty. Unfortunately all this saving will get us nowhere. All we end up doing is being a bystander instead of a participant in the great thing we call life. So, stop saving and get active! Step away from the sidelines and take part in life. You’ll probably have more fun than you can shake a stick at.

Five ways to start participating:

Don’t believe you are to old to try anything new. Embark on a new adventure, try a new sport, buy a hat, change your hairstyle, get a new hobby or how about love?

Are you having a rainy day? Saved stuff for it? Well, now is the time to use it!

Every now and then, do something silly or out of character. Jump up and down on the bed (don’t if you have a slatted bed base – use a trampoline instead). Build a large sandcastle, fly a kite, put a bounce in your step and skip.

Use your worldly goods and share them with others, in the end we all know you can’t take them with you when you go – a coffin doesn’t have any pockets.

Don’t hold back your feelings. Set your emotions free, especially those of love and compassion. Okay, it might be scary and you might get hurt, but you also can get something unbelievable in return. So, go ahead, live a little. You know what they say “nothing ventured, nothing gained”

Have a great Sunday!

Mind, Body & Soul Session (#34)

Instant Mood Busters

We all have to do our (daily) chores and errands. Some of them are fun and others are really horrible. Some might even be so ghastly that they never get done. A shame really, because getting things done, completing a task, crossing it of your list, can make you feel like a winner and can give you a big lift.

Here are some tasks you can complete in a mere 5, 15 or 30 minutes. Pick one whenever you have some time to spare, and watch how it gets the ball rolling.

5 minutes to spare……

Write down some chores you’ve already completed, just so you can cross them of your list.

Water your plants.

Have a look at all those receipts you keep in your wallet or your purse. Throw away every single one you don’t need anymore.

Eat a piece of fruit.

Clean your mirror and say “Hello, beauty!”

Make that doctors/dentist appointment you've been putting off for ages.

Make your bed

Write checks for bills that are due next month

Make a fun appointment. Call a friend, a relative or a acquaintance for a fun appointment to look forward to.

Order tickets for that play or concert you want to go to.

15 minutes...

Apply a facial mask

Empty all the garbage bins and take out the trash. Oh, and don’t forget the 3R’s - Reduce, reuse, recycle.

Iron one of your favourite things.

Clean out that drawer, you know the one with all the dried-out pens, old notes and receipts, dried out elastic bands, etc. Don’t haven one? Clean your sock or underwear drawer instead.

Answer an e-mail.

Replace one of your regular light bulbs with an energy saving one.

Meditate or do breathing exercises - relaxation is an assignment too.

30 minutes to spare...

Weed a flower bed or mow the lawn.

Read one chapter of a book.

Buy birthday cards or gifts for all the friends and family members who turn one year older next month.

Swap your framed pictures. Replace some of the older photos with photos of more recent memories.

Call that person you've been meaning to call for the past three months or write (yes, by hand) a letter or card to a friend who lives far away.

Surf the web to gather ideas for your next outing, weekend trip, theatre visit or vacation.

Give yourself a pedicure

Turn off your cell phone, close your e-mail, and enjoy 30 minutes of quiet and go for a walk.

Whatever you do, have a fantastic Sunday :)

Mind, Body & Soul Session (#33)

Give more than you take

“It’s better to give than to receive”, that’s probably a phrase we’ve all heard more than once in our life. But how do you give something away you have not yet received yourself? How can you be a generous contributor when the whole world is trying to take everything away from you? Life/work/family/friends are taking your time, your resources and probably anything you might have to spare.

Isn’t it funny how we associate generosity with the giving of things we have loads of? But generosity is much more than searching out pockets for extra cash, volunteering our spare time, or donating our surplus stuff. Being truly generous is not about giving away the things we can spare; it’s about recognizing the needs of, and caring about others in a way that makes you want to find ways to give more. Generosity doesn’t have to come in the form of cash, it can come in the subtle interactions you have each day, interactions like holding the door for people, forgiving someone, being patient, letting others go first, greet a stranger, being humble, smile, show an interest, pay attention, or just simply praise someone. See? You don’t have to have in order to give; you just need to give in order to receive.

Huh? That doesn’t sound right “Give in order to receive”……we aren’t suppose to keep score, are we? You are so right! We don’t give to receive, but as you begin to give more of yourself, you increase your capacity to give and to experience love, joy and happiness. Generosity is like a muscle, the more you use it, it the stronger it gets. The more good we do, the more we are able to do and the more joy, love, happiness and smiles we are going to receive in return. So, go out there and love instead of having to be loved, comfort instead of having to comforted, listen instead of talk, forgive instead of having to be forgiving, be there for someone instead of needing someone and give instead of receive. Give more than you take…..be generous!

Oh and in case you find this too hard, don’t worry. Giving away some of the stuff you’ve accumulated over the years is fulfilling too. Giving something away, even your spare cash, can bring you deep abiding joy :)

Be generous, spread some kindness and have a great Sunday!

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#32)

Live in the here and now.

Here is a shocking fact: 92 percent of the time most of us are either living in the future or the past and forget about the here and now. We anticipate future events, worry or think about them and are busy making plans. On the other hand we can regret previous decisions, can’t stop thinking about mistakes or mishaps, or keep thinking about how life was better way back when……

It’s a shame to discover that most of us are engaged in the here and now only 8 percent of our waking hours. Does that mean that you should stop making plans? No, of course not! You got to have things to look forward to, but I would like to suggest you stop dwelling on previous stuff. You can’t change the past (okay you can change the way you feel about past events, but that’s a different story), but you can ruin the present and future by worrying about the past. So maybe it’s time to let go and step into the here and now! Today: try to focus on the here and now for a day and see how it feels, after all it’s like John Lennon once said “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans”.

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#31)

Create your own happiness.

Show remorse, choose to apologize.

Feelings of guilt and remorse can cause a lot of negative stress. Positive stress is a real motivator, while negative stress on the other hand will rob you from your energy and can make you feel really down. So don’t let the negative stress build-up and don't allow pain, or past mistakes, to paralyze you.

Have you ever made a mistake? Of course you have, we all have! No human-being is perfect! If you were the only one affected by the mistake, you might just consider yourself foolish, choose to forgive yourself and move on. If you were inconsiderate, insensitive, or even downright mean, i.e. if you have hurt or inconvenienced another person, you might want to make amends and apologize.

If you think an apology is in order make sure it’s a good and effective one. How? Maybe these guidelines will help.

Never, ever, apologize casually - Pick the right time and the right place!

Take responsibility- Accept the blame. Let the other person know that you are aware of the fact that you’ve caused pain.

Be sincere - People can spot an insincere apology a mile off. Let your tone of voice be warm and gentle. Don’t be defensive because it won’t help your case.

Make it personal - Admit that you've done wrong and that you've hurt the person you're apologizing to. Describe in detail what you’ve said or done to hurt the person. This will show you're not just saying "I'm sorry" because you've violated your own ethics, but that you’ve assessed were you went wrong.

Be straightforward - The best apologies contain no “buts”. Keep your apology clean and straightforward.

Don’t feel weak and vulnerable - A common assumption is that the person who apologizes is weak and vulnerable but in my opinion they are courageous and deserve respect.

Mind, Body & Soul Session (#30)

Create your own happiness.

Every day can turn in a horrible day and any day can have its share of buzz kills. Your car wouldn’t start in the morning, you missed the bus to work, you lost your cell phone, had to deal with screaming clients (colleagues, kids or partner), your computer isn’t willing to cooperate or maybe you just got out of the wrong side of the bed. When nothing seems to go right, try to put a more positive spin on things by asking yourself these four questions:

1. Will this last forever?
Rarely things will last forever! So, give yourself a "this too shall pass" perspective and take control. Feeling helpless will get you nowhere, or maybe I should say: feeling helpless will get you depressed. So, take control and you’ll feel more energetic and cheerful. Remember: nothing lasts forever!

2. Will I remember this day/event a week from now, a month from now, a year from now?
In other words, how significant is this event? When you ask yourself the “will I remember” question you will probably notice that you forget stuff a lot sooner then you think. For instance: can you remember what you were doing last Sunday at this exact time? Or what you were doing on 18th of January? Or let’s go back even further: what you were doing on the 18th of February 2006?

3. Can something good come out of this?
Never forget that tough situations or bad days usually have an upside too, whether it’s making you stronger or forcing you to treat yourself. Even if you can’t see it in an instant, try to look for it anyway.

4. What have I done to get through other awful situations/days?
Recall past strategies that have worked for you. So, what did you do? Did you call a friend? Treated yourself to something you really wanted? Did you write about it? Did you do something that made you cheerful? Did you have some ice-cream? It doesn’t matter what it was as long as it made you happier! Remembering what works for you can expel all the depressing feelings you might have.

Go ahead, create and be happy!

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#29)

Create your own happiness

What would make you happy? A new job? A dishwasher? A trip around the world? A date with ___________________ (insert name of choice)? Winning the lottery? Any one of these might make you do a little happy dance, for a short while, but in reality pure joy and happiness comes from the inside out. Some people are blessed, they are born with the "happiness gene", but there is still hope for the rest of us because happiness might be genetically influenced but it's also influenced by the things we do. So, over the next couple of weeks I am going to post some things you can do to expand your happiness factor. Some of the tricks you will find here I’ve posted before and some of them are new, either way these are all tips that will help you to create more positive vibes in your life.

Adopt the habits of happy people
Great, but what do they do? Well, here is the shortlist :)

They accept change.
It's impossible to prepare for unexpected changes but when they come (and they will), you should welcome them and learn. Regardless of whether these changes are joyful or devastating, they will always advance you to another step on your life's path. Thankfully, life will go on, whatever might happen. If you can adapt and accept change, your journey will be much happier. Well I’ve talked about this before.

They refuse to keep score.
Healthy relationships requires a lot of giving and taking from both side. If someone is keeping score, relationships might fracture. The reverse is also true: When no one is keeping tabs, the relationship is likely to grow. So, don’t always expect something in return and accept the fact that there will be days where you’ll need to give more. Learn to do this with a smile.

They say thanks.
People who keep a weekly (or daily) gratitude journal feel better about their lives and are more optimistic about the upcoming week (or day) than those who record hassles, problems or neutral events. Need inspiration? This might get you started.

They reach out.
People who focus on others are happier. Being compassionate helps you to feel better about yourself. You can participate in a community project, volunteer, be a mentor or help out at a local hospital. If that’s not your cup of tea, maybe you can give this a go.

They like to bond.
Confiding in others is good for the body as well as for the soul. Of course there are other remedies to cure unhappiness but an intimate friendship with someone who cares deeply about you is one of the best remedies.

They choose optimism
Negativity zaps so much energy from you and comes back ten times stronger. Negativity is cold, dark and heavy on your soul. Being cheerful and optimistic on the other hand feels like a cool summer breeze. Optimism is light, sweet and airy. Try it sometime and you may never go back. Tips to get you started:

Try to change every negative thought into a positive one,

Let go of the “worst case scenarios”, always assume the best from people and situations.

Hang around positive people. Negative people drain your energy and pull you into their fears.

Make positive affirmations and keep repeating them. In the end you’ll start to believe them.

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions (#28)

Create your own luck

"Shallow people believe in luck.
Strong people believe in cause and effect."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recent research shows that people who tell you to “look at the bright side” are right. A person’s approach to life matters a lot more then intelligence or psychic ability. Apparently there is no such thing as lucky (or unlucky - hurrah) people. People who appear to be lucky do in fact create their own luck. How? By hard work of course! But that’s not all; there is more to it. It’s almost a magical combination of hard work, a positive attitude and the willingness to see good in even the worst situations. That last one is a bit of a tough one, but it can be done. The key is that you need to deal with your misfortune even if you want to run for your duvet for cover. You need to turn your misfortune around, look at it differently, imagine how things could have been worse, or look at what can be done about the problem.

Other things you can try:

• expect good fortune (instead of expecting misfortune). Be positive about all the things you do, and don’t look for all the bad luck that could come your way. Get away for the “worst case scenario” thing. When you expect luck it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• Listen to your “gut feeling” and act on it. Don’t ignore hunches; they are there for a reason.
• Notice, act on and create opportunities. When you pay more attention to your surroundings you can maximise your chances of luck. Who knows, luck might be right in front of your nose.
• Refuse to see yourself as a victim and take control.
• It also pays to be flexible. Your plans and life do change. Accepting the fact that things do change, is a huge step forward. Remember, change always means some upheaval in the beginning, but don’t give up. With the right attitude and a bit of hard work, it’ll all be worth it in the end.

Mind, Body & Soul Session (#27)

Don’t fear change!
Change isn't easy; it's unsettling and can sometimes even be a traumatic experience, but change is part of life. Change is the only thing that will bring progress and without change life stagnates. Avoiding change can mean that we miss out on the most fulfilling opportunities of our lives and yet, change is often the thing we fear the most.

Fear is the greatest enemy to change. Fear is what keeps us in a relationship that isn’t working, keeps us from buying that dream home, going on a trip around the world, taking a sabbatical year or stops us from quitting that boring job we do year after year. Long story short, fear keeps us from living our dream and that’s a shame isn’t it?
Self-help books always tell people to “feel the fear and do it anyway”; in my opinion great advice but where do you begin. The first step is always the scariest one.

Let’s just say you want to go on a trip around the world. You can really see yourself on plains, trains, boats, in cars, hiking, on bikes and so on. You can see yourself visiting the wonders of the world, staying in backpackers’ hostels, fancy hotels or National Parks. One problem though, as soon as you start sharing your plans with other people they start to mutter about language barriers, accidents, crime, diseases, healthcare and money problems. At first you will shrug your shoulders but later on you will probably start to worry about taking on such a big adventure.

Of course you are worried, you might even be scared, but instead of letting go of your plans you can also give it another look. Look up information online, there might be sites that have all the information you need. Read the stories of other travellers. If you don’t want to figure this out all by yourself, go to a travel agent, they are more then willing to help you. If you are worried about diseases, visit a travel clinic.
By arming yourself with knowledge, you give yourself power and with this power you can begin to take control. A plan is less intimidating when you can see exactly what needs to be done. And it doesn’t matter if you are going on a trip around the world, going to buy a house; these rules are relevant to everything from coping with the aftermath from a recently ended relationship to finding a new job.

So, if it’s time to take control, here are some things you can do.
First: decide what you want. You need to focus on what matters to you the most. Jumping at every opportunity just because it’s offered can be fun but if it isn’t going to bring you closer to your goal you are not going to accomplish a thing.
Next: Look at the challenges you would have to face. Would you have to face big hurdles? Or could you just as easily break them into individual projects? Small steps will get you where you are going, too - it just takes a little bit longer. And here is the funny thing, when you are taking care of all the little things, taking the small steps, you’ll find that big things really have a way of taking care of themselves. Sometimes taking the first step is just the thing you’ll need to get the ball rolling.

"The greatest adventure is what lies ahead
Today and tomorrow are yet to be said
The chances, the changes, are all yours to make
The mold of your life is in your hands to break.

The greatest adventure is there if you're bold.
Let go of the moment that life makes you hold.
To measure the meaning can you make delay
It's time you stopped thinking and wasting the day.

A man who's a dreamer and never takes leave
Who thinks of a world that's just make-believe
Will never know passion, will never know pain
Who sits by the window will one day see rain."

- Glen Yarborough

Mind, Body & Soul Session (#26)

Make 2007 the year of joy!

I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, but maybe you do. If you really want to stick to one resolution, let it be this one: Make 2007 the year of joy! Easier said than done, I know, but it is possible. Change some things around to make this year more joyful. Not a clue what to change, here are some suggestions.

Figure out your purpose and live accordingly.
Not knowing your purpose will bring you fear, sadness, frustration, and uncertainty. Finding your purpose will bring you great joy and living accordingly will bring you even greater joy. So, prioritise! Let your schedule reflect your purpose and don’t let unforeseen circumstances get in your way.

Choose and take control.
Ever feel like you have the leading part in the movie “Groundhog Day”? If the answer is yes, then it’s time to take control. You can sit around and wait for things to happen, but you can also take some action. Why wait to get invited to do something, when you can just as easily invite someone else. Knowing you have choices, that you can take control by speaking up and take action, will make your life easier and more joyful because it will get rid of that “stuck in a rut” feeling.

Don’t settle for status quo.
Always look to stretch yourself, expand your horizons! Learn a new language, listen to different music, take up web design, skydive, try a new sport or how about a photography course. Anything you might fancy will do. Thinking outside the box, colouring outside the lines, setting new goals, will bring you joy.

Learn to say No, dare to say Yes.
Even though it may feel uncomfortable to say no, or even to think about saying no, it's important to remember that each time you say yes to someone else or something you really don’t want to do, you say no to you and your priorities. Learn to say No, but don’t forget to say Yes to all the things you really do want to do or give a try! Say yes to invites, new adventures and challenges. It might be scary at first, but why not take a chance and add some new experiences to your life.

Be spontaneous
Surprise yourself, and others. Keywords here are spontaneity and surprise! Do the unexpected now and again. It will cause everybody to sit up, pay attention and say, ‘Wow where did that come from?’ It will put more joy in your life, and theirs.

Smile a lot, laugh often.
Most people are just too serious. We need to laugh…. a lot! Life is to be enjoyed. Next time you rent a DVD, get a comedy or a "feel good" movie and laugh. Or just take a look at this, maybe it will not make you laugh, but a giggle is a nice way to start :)


What ever you do, never forget that joy and happiness can be yours! Look for it, pursue it, grab it with both hands and never let go, enjoy it! Oh and always remember, life is not about how many breaths you take, but about the number of moments that take your breath away.

Enjoy your day!

Mind, body & Soul Sessions (#25)

When the weather turns cold, frosty and dry, your skin becomes dryer, flakier and more irritated than usual. You could write it off as one of the chilling facts of winter, or you could do something about it. Here are 10 tips to help your skin look and feel more beautiful in winter.

Wear sunscreen, no less than SPF15, every day.
Perhaps you know that UVB rays are the sun's burning rays and you probably know that UVA radiation is the main cause of wrinkling and skin cancer, but did you know that the rays can penetrate glass? No? Well they can, so this means that even if you're at home, driving or in the office by a window, you'll need full-spectrum (both UVA and UVB) coverage. And don’t think you won’t need them on the cloudiest winter days, because you do.

Be gentle.
Clean you skin with a light touch. Don’t scrub when your skin is irritated because it can make problems worse. Skip antibacterial soaps and very hot water, both tend to strip the moisture from your skin. After cleansing, protect your skin from the elements. Wind, sun, heat, cold, and dry office air can quickly cause or worsen the condition of dry skin. Apply a moisturizer before exposing your skin to these moisture-sapping conditions. If you want, you can apply some more during the day, but don’t use too much. Too much moisturizer can cause irritation too.

Don’t use product with fragrances and/or alcohol.
They dry out and irritate the skin even more in winter conditions. In other seasons we might love these products, but forget about them in the cold season because they can strip the skin of its natural protective oils. Instead look for products with “hypoallergenic” on the label.

Don't linger in the bath or shower
When it’s cold it’s very tempting to take long showers or stay in the bath for a very long time. Please don’t! Hot water will sap moisture from the superficial layer (stratum corneum/horny layer), leaving the skin drier, flakier and more susceptible to irritation and damage. Apply a moisturiser while your skin is still moist from bathing or showering. This will help provide maximise hydration, by trapping moisture into the surface layers.

Humidify.
Dry air equals dry skin, so humidify. You can do this by buying a humidifier. I have central heating and I like to place a bowl of water on the radiator, this will put water back into the atmosphere.

Treat yourself to a facial mask once a week.
A facial mask will moisturize your skin. You can buy ready made facial masks for every skin type these days, but you can also make them yourself. For instance, try one of these:

• Mash a ripe banana and smooth the pulp on your face and neck. Leave it on for 15 minutes. Rinse off with lukewarm water and pat your skin dry.

Not a huge banana fan, try this:

• Mix one egg yolk, one teaspoon honey and a teaspoon olive oil and some vitamin E oil (if you have it). Smooth on and leave on for 15 minutes, rinse off with lukewarm water and pat dry.

Or:

• Take an avocado, mash one half (eat the rest if you want) and mix it with a few drops of lemon juice. Apply on your face and neck and leave it for 15 minutes, rinse off with lukewarm water and pat dry.
  

Remember Cleopatra’s secret
Cleopatra was famous for her beautiful skin. Her secret was that she soaked in baths of fresh milk. Modern laboratories now know why milk worked such wonders for her skin: the lactic acid in milk is an alpha hydroxy acid, a natural material that dissolves the glue that holds dead skin cells together. Milk can cleanse the skin down to its deepest layers.

These days we don’t need a tub full of milk, these two formulas work too:

• Add 2 to 4 cups of fresh milk or buttermilk to the bathwater as the tub is filling.

Or

• Add 250 gram milk powder and one teaspoon of almond oil to the bathwater as the tub is filling.

In both cases: Soak for a good 15 minutes (only once a week). Gently rub your skin with a washcloth to slough off the dead skin. Rinse your body thoroughly after soaking.

Caution: Very hot baths are not good for those with high blood pressure, and they can be draining for anyone. Skip this bath if you are allergic to milk or are lactose intolerant.

Drink water
Increase your water intake. Drink up! Make sure to drink at least 8 glasses of pure water a day to keep your skin and body properly hydrated. Drink more if you are super active.

Eat good fats.
Food like cold-water fish (salmon, herring, mackerel, anchovies and sardines), walnuts and flaxseed are loaded with nutritious omega-3 fatty acids which can revitalize dry hair and skin.

Drink hot cocoa and get your antioxidants.
According to recent studies, cocoa beans contain large amounts of natural antioxidants called flavonoids. Cocoa powder is made from these beans so, go ahead, steam some milk and enjoy your cocoa-anti-oxidants!

Mind, Body & Soul Sessions – Christmas edition.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year?!

Maybe you think it is if you are one of those people who love the holidays, the fresh scent of Christmas trees, the excitement in the air, the hustle and bustle, the food, the family. On the other hands you might think of the holiday season as a stressful time. So, here are some practical suggestions which can help you reduce your 'Christmas stress'.

Keep it simple.
Probably the No. 1 reason for out-of-control stress is trying to overdo it. Does your daydream holiday feature you as the ideal hostess presiding over a magazine-style home? Forget it! Going for perfection could be a recipe for disaster. It’s better to focus on your friends and family, and leave being the super-hostess to the professionals. Don't set yourself unrealistic targets and deadlines.

Plan.
Get organised, prioritise and plan your days. This is easier said than done, but making a list of jobs that need to be done can help you take on one thing at a time. Recognise when something is done or finished and feel good about it.
Pace yourself throughout Christmas and by the time Christmas eve comes along give yourself permission to say 'what isn't done now, won't get done'. Believe these words and relax!

Delegate
Delegate some of the tasks. Christmas is not just down to one person, everyone shares in Christmas. When you feel the stress creeping in, let other members of the family know how stressed you are feeling

Give the gift of time.
This year, put "quality time" at the top of your to-do list: quality time with your family, friends, and neighbours. Just taking a quiet moment to tell someone how important they are to you can mean so much more than any gift.
Consider organizing a casual potluck dinner for your friends - each can bring their favourite holiday dish, and perhaps you can spread the spirit by carolling after the meal.

Make a list, check it twice.
Make a list of all the gifts you wish to buy before you go shopping. If you wait for inspiration to strike when you are actually doing the shopping, you could be wandering aimlessly around the shopping centre for hours. You'll probably save money if you do all the shopping yourself, but if you don’t have the time to start early, the Internet can be a great place to shop too. Sit back, relax, sip your eggnog, and watch your tree while the gifts are delivered to your door. Oh, and buy a few extras, such as chocolates, just in case you forget somebody or you have unexpected guests bearing gifts.

Don’t forget the most important person.
It's fun to give to others, but in doing so we often forget to treat ourselves. So go ahead and schedule a 30-minute massage. Plan a quiet evening at home with that special someone. Enjoy some candlelight, watch the lights of the Christmas tree, watch your favourite Christmas movie, and buy that beautiful gift you saw for yourself.

Take the time
Write up a Christmas card list and keep it in a safe place so that you can refer to it (and add or delete names) year after year. Plan to write your Christmas cards in early December. Book a date in your diary so you don't forget

Enjoy.
Don’t forget to enjoy the holiday season!